How to Cross a Street

Towards Making My Life Easier.
  January 30, 2006

The January Stories are in a state of disarray after a grueling work week has foiled my plans to delve into the depths of the week's assigned topic: Silence.  (And yes, the obvious solution has occurred to me and is far too cheesy even to contemplate.)

But there is something I can't wait to share with you, Vast Electronic Void: last Friday I achieved an analytical breakthrough.  I pefrected a method of crossing the intersection of Third Avenue and 42nd Street during the morning rush to work.  The breakthrough occurred as I was negotiating said intersection and praying not to be trampled to death.  Apparently adrenaline stimulates thinking.

Problem: during rush hour, there are hundreds of angry sweaty people who share the sidewalk with you and try to barrel through you at every available opportunity.  Your objective is to minimize the nuisance they cause.  Intersections are particularly bad because red lights cause build-up of crowds.  If you're caught in front of a red light, you'll be stuck amidst more than your fair share of fellow humans.  When light changes to green, they will cross the street in front of you and around you and most likely proceed straight down the next block with you, impeding your progress.

Solution: Since the bulk of the crowd continues to move straight after crossing, you can lose them if you make a lateral move instead.  Here's an example assuming you are walking east.  Start at southwestern corner of 42nd and 3rd.  Cross to southeastern corner.  Instead of proceeding east, cross laterally to the northeastern corner, thus losing the eastbound crowd.  Now turn and walk east, thus losing the northbound crowd.  Simple.  Elegant.  Best of all, I've tried it and it works.

Caveat:  Applicability to other intersections in Manhattan or other cities is anticipated but not confirmed.  What do I care, though?

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